Teaching Children to Make Good Choices on Their Own
Helping Children Develop
the Judgment and Character to Choose Wisely
By Dr. Gil, Creator of JeanieOlogy™
Parents spend years answering questions.
Grandparents do too.
We explain, correct, encourage, protect, teach, and offer advice based on our own experiences.
But every parent and grandparent knows an important truth:
We won’t always be there.
Children grow. Their world becomes larger. They spend more time with friends, encounter new people and ideas, and eventually become young adults making decisions independently.
Somewhere along the way, the question changes from:
“What does Mom, Dad, Grandma, or Grandpa want me to do?”
to:
“What do I believe is the right thing to do?”
Helping children prepare for that moment may be one of our most important responsibilities.
Rules Are Important—But Understanding Matters More
Children need rules.
Tell the truth.
Finish your responsibilities.
Treat people respectfully.
Don’t take something that doesn’t belong to you.
Rules establish boundaries. But as children mature, they also need to understand why those rules exist.
A child may initially think:
“Mom said not to lie.”
Eventually, we hope that becomes:
“Honesty matters because people need to trust me.”
That’s the transition from simply following rules to developing internal values.
Parents can explain the reasons behind everyday expectations. Grandparents can reinforce those lessons by sharing experiences that show why honesty, responsibility, kindness, courage, and good judgment matter.
Good Judgment Requires Practice
Children don’t become good decision-makers automatically.
They need opportunities to think through choices.
Ask:
“Your friend forgot his lunch. What could you do?”
“You found something that doesn’t belong to you. What should happen next?”
“Your friends are making fun of another child. What choices do you have?”
Then listen.
Instead of immediately providing the answer, try:
“What do you think?”
Followed by:
“Why?”
Parents and grandparents may discover that children already understand more than expected—or that there’s an important lesson still waiting to be discussed.
Prepare for Peer Pressure Before It Happens
Many choices become harder when friends are involved.
A child may know what’s right but still hesitate because they want to fit in.
Ask:
“What would you do if friends wanted you to do something you knew was wrong?”
Don’t stop with:
“I’d say no.”
Ask:
“What could you actually say?”
Practice responses:
“No thanks.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Let’s do something else.”
Children should also understand that leaving is a choice. They can walk away, leave the room, stop responding, call a trusted adult, or ask for help.
Knowing what to do before the moment arrives can make a difficult decision easier.
Teach Children to Pause
One simple habit can prevent many poor decisions:
Pause before acting.
Teach children to ask themselves:
Is this safe?
Is it honest?
Could someone be hurt?
Would I be comfortable telling my parents about it?
Does this fit the kind of person I want to be?
That pause creates space between impulse and action.
And within that space, judgment can grow.
Turn Real Situations Into Aunt Jean’s Questions
JeanieOlogy™ provides a relaxed way for children to practice making decisions before facing them in real life.
Try:
“If your best friend asked you to lie, what would you do?”
“Would you do something wrong if nobody would ever find out?”
“How do you know when you should ask an adult for help?”
Parents, grandparents, and other caring adults can also turn everyday situations into new Aunt Jean’s Questions.
A friendship problem, something seen in a movie, an uncomfortable situation, or even an adult’s past mistake can inspire a question.
Grandparents might share a decision they faced years ago and ask:
“What would you have done?”
Parents might use something that happened during the week and ask:
“What other choice could have been made?”
The goal isn’t simply to provide the answer.
It’s to help children practice finding it.
Freedom and Responsibility Grow Together
As children demonstrate good judgment, they can gradually receive more independence.
Being trusted carries responsibility.
A child who handles small choices wisely becomes better prepared for larger ones.
Parents can provide increasing independence while remaining available for guidance.
Grandparents can reinforce that growth by showing confidence in a grandchild’s ability to think, choose, and accept responsibility.
Someday, the Answer Will Be Theirs
Eventually, there will be a moment when no parent or grandparent is standing beside the child.
No immediate reminder.
No answer key.
Just a decision—and the values that child carries into that moment.
That’s why today’s conversations matter.
Ask questions.
Listen.
Share experiences.
Talk about mistakes.
Practice difficult situations.
And create new Aunt Jean’s Questions from the challenges children encounter as they grow.
Because the ultimate goal isn’t raising children who always need us to tell them the right answer.
It’s helping them develop the character and judgment to recognize the right thing to do—and the courage to do it.
JeanieOlogy™ — Yesterday’s Values for Tomorrow’s Children™
© Copyright Aunt Jean’s Kids, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
One of the greatest benefits of homeschooling is the freedom to teach not only academic subjects but also the values and character traits that help children become caring, responsible adults. While textbooks teach facts, many of life’s most important lessons are learned through meaningful conversations. JeanieOlogy™ was created to make those conversations enjoyable. Designed for… Read more: Week 2-HS-Article- Making Values Come Alive in Your Homeschool